“I thought I was living a holy life and following “the light” and then this happened…

Gintare’s testimony.

My life before Jesus

I was for 7years involved in shamanism, psychedelic plants, Tarot readings, yoga, Buddhism, astrology and most New Age philosophies that exist.
I was in a relationship with a 30y older man that was an Ayahuasca shaman and yogi and there was another woman that he had a relationship with. I was convinced and shown by my “spiritual guides” this promiscuous relationship was god destined.
I followed this man as a teacher and we prayed to and worshipped Hindu gods.
I was taking psychedelic substances (Ayahuasca, mushrooms) every week and was convinced they were sacred shamanic plants saving our human race. During rituals I would see visions and have ecstatic experiences which I believed to be from god/gods/enlightened beings. I did not believe it was drugs.
Many people and my “spiritual guides” told me I am a goddess , reincarnated queen that has a special purpose on this earth to help others. We all believed in reincarnation and karma.
I believed this path so much that I was teaching many other people and working as a shaman “guiding them” towards “self- realisation”.
We were successful and there were many people following us.
I believed I was healing people and saw many people cured from alcoholism and depression using these psychoactive substances (Ayahuasca etc.) The REAL price due to be paid for these healings I found out only later. (Continue reading more what happens next).
I lived in Peru far away from my very loving family and was rarely seeing them as I thought my purpose to help the world was priority.
I thought I was living a holy life and following “the light” and I did not believe in sin or hell nor knew its concept.

And then this happened….
I got demonically possessed. (Which I realised only later).
I had months of insomnia. Night terrors. Visions of hell. Panic attacks. I started hearing voices in my head that were telling me to do extreme things in order to break free from this torture such as praying for 10hours in a rain. All with no effect. I ended up in a psychiatric hospital for 2 months.
In Peru all my “new age” friends were trying to help me with more of psychoactive “medicines” (Ayahuasca) ; yoga etc but it was getting worse. I became convinced I was destined for hell. I could not understand why it was happening to me. I tried all yoga , medications, meditation , ritual shamanic plants and I was on a downward spiral. All of my friends and man I was with started shaking their heads. I was in so much pain and terror and agony day and night and nobody could help me nor explain me why it was happening to me. (I thought I lived a holy life and was helping people).
As things progressed I became addicted to food I had no control I started going to stores not paying for what I buy. I could not stop lying. Sin I did not believe in had consumed me and turned my heart into a stone. Somebody gave me a Bible and all I saw was condemnation. I have never read a Bible before but I was searching for something nobody could help me with.
I forgot all about the gods I used to pray as if none of them had any meaning anymore. I felt alone in darkness. My heart got so hard that I could not feel nor cry nor care for anyone, even my family. I was not able to work, make money nor do anything.

I knew I was a sinner. I was desperately searching for someone or something to save me.
But NOTHING from my life prior was helping me.

Inside I was battling a growing suspicion that what if there was something wrong with the life I lived….

I managed to leave Peru when everybody got fed up with me - a lost case of undiagnosed insanity and I went to Canada to see my “god mother”. I was babtised as a little girl which had little meaning to me.
I was getting worse and demons were manifasting heavily I was sure I will die soon and was hearing voices that God is done with me.

There I finally met some real christians. As one woman - follower of Jesus - was praying for me - there was a voice that spoke to my heart. The most loving and beautiful voice I have ever heard. That I will never forget. He said “I will NEVER leave you for as long as you will be searching for me”. I could not stop crying…. I knew right then it was one and true God, my creator; I knew He loved me beyond my understanding. I knew I am not alone. I knew I was His and He was calling me home.

“Place me like a seal over your heart like a seal on your arm for love is as strong as death it’s jealousy unyielding as the grave it burns like blazing fire like a mighty flame.” Song of Solomon 8:6

That moment up to this day is my most beautiful memory even though I was at my human worst, a sinner unable to stop, useless, unwanted, a shame.
Yet, so loved by Him.

Some time later He sent me someone, a woman called Lisa to preach me gospel…. I could not grasp all that was happening at a time but I remember now how He planned every smallest step.

In God’s mercy, I came back to Lithuania to my very loving mom and dad who welcomed me like “Bible prodigal son” even though I was ashamed to even look them in the eyes.

Back in Lithuania and far from my old life the truth has finally reached my heart. My eyes opened and I realised that my shamanic life was all abomination in Gods eyes. I was not helping the world but serving the dark side and my gods and guides were demons.
It took A LOT of time to fully accept that I indeed have built my life on sinking sand and was so deep IN THE WRONG…

One day as I was in a very bad place I started reading the Bible and I started crying I knew right in that moment - it was THE TRUTH.

Even though God was doing mighty works in my life… that I now see. Back then:
I was still walking in shame, carrying a heavy load of my choices, my sin filled heart was heavy; I was in agony and pain, I still believed I was condemned and beyond saving, demonically possessed , I thought I had a reprobate mind , I felt broken beyond repair and mercy.

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” Psalm 51:17

AND he did not.
As I kept searching for Him with the last strength I had - one day He took my heart of stone and gave me a new heart. On His guidance I wrote all my sins which were SO MANY on a piece of paper and burned it and I knew I was forgiven. I knew all was gone in that chilly Lithuanian spring evening.

I want to quote someone….
“Because my betrayal like an invisible grain of salt drowned in the sea of ​​your Love, was carried away, dissolved and destroyed by your infinite mercy……”


And what He’s done since then is nothing but a miracle:

Life with Jesus…

He has delivered me in multiple sessions from demons that were many…

I received water baptism and was filled with a Holy Spirit.

He sent me to Honni whom I call Bible sniper Honni, and she has been phenomenal helping me every step as I started washing myself in truth. And her WhatsApp group is so wonderful.

He’s given me a church and people that love Jesus.

He’s brought me so close to mommy and daddy whom I get to finally spend precious time with. I missed them so much.

He’s given me a LIFE worth living - for Him. He is my all and all I want is to lean tight onto Him.

And to love Him.
He’s given me a fairytale love story I was dreaming of since a little girl.

He is teaching me how to walk His ways and know the truth that is continually setting me free more.

I know and believe He has wonderful plans for me and He will mightily use everything I have experienced.

“On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.” Edward Mote

Romans 6:19
Just as you used to offer yourselves as slaves to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to holiness.

To be continued!!😊